Thursday, May 31, 2012

Those four little words: Stay At Home Mom

Today's post is going to be a little different. I'm going to go out on a limb and talk about mommy stuff.
I will probably do this more often. Being 21 weeks pregnant with my first kiddo, I just sort of need to talk about what's going on with this whole mental transitioning that's going on. My latest hurdle as I prepare for baby. has been the job thing...

I put in my two week's notice at my job yesterday, for a few reasons:

1. It sucked.
2. It sucked kind of a lot.
3. The pay sucked.
4. The hours sucked.
5. At least one person there dreamed dreams of my demise. There's always one...
6. My measely hours got cut. Wha-?!
7. I'm sick of working in the food service industry.
8. I'm officially half way through this pregnancy, now.

But I have to say, even with all that, I still felt really crumby for awhile after I put in notice. I've always worked. I've always taken a little bit of pride in the fact that I'm pulling my weight. My husband works very hard at his full time job and even though my job is shit, I feel like I'm helping out a little. (Well, I did until my hours were cut). Just putting in notice made me feel sort of lame. What am I going to do with myself? (Besides gut this house and put it back together in preparation for baby. Ahem.) Ya know what I'm thinking right now? If I feel like this NOW, how the hell am I going to feel later, months from now, a year from now, when there's a little kiddo running (crawling?) around and I'm still not working? Those four little words are echoing in my brain: "Stay At Home Mom." And they're echoing in a scary horror movie voice. Now, it hasn't been set in stone that I will in fact, stay at home all the time once the kiddo is born. I may go back to work. Not immediately, but possibly after several months. We'll see. I don't know yet. But I'm already feeling a little uneasy, afraid that if my title does indeed become "stay at home mom," I'll become isolated and feel totally unaccomplished at some point. I've heard this happens to many women. And as a fairly independant women, I'm afraid it might hit me harder than most. I guess I'm torn. It's not that I don't want to be home with my little boy, when he's born. I DO!!! I want lots of time, good quality bonding time with him. I want to breastfeed. I want to do the cloth diaper thing. I'm probably going to be one of those "attachment parenting" advocates, in fact. But I also want to have a slice of my life that still belongs just to me.

We'll see how it turns out. But these are my thoughts thus far. Any feedback? Are you a stay at home mommy? Are you a working mommy? What do you think has worked or not worked for you? What are your biggest personal needs now that junior has arrived? I'd appreciate any and all input! Thanks!


  1. You know me; I'm thrilled to be a SAHM! But that doesn't mean I don't have those days (in my short 5 weeks of motherhood, lol) where I feel more than a little like I've become little more than a human bottle/pacifier. Don't get me wrong - I love spending so much time with Ren, but it is hard sometimes because I want to do something for me and I can't, or it takes a huge effort to get the time together. Is it worth it? YES. But it IS hard. I guess I would tell you to avoid a major mistake I made running up to giving birth; don't give yourself deadlines you can't wiggle out of after your little guy is born. Give yourself permission to just do stuff as it comes up.

  2. I totally know what you mean, having experienced the same thing myself. I had to quit halfway through my pregnancy because the entire work-place was shifting gears, and I couldn't stay awake all day to save my life anyway (one of THOSE pregnancies)... I became a stay-at-home mom for four years. And yes, you have to fight against isolation and force yourself to accomplish things anyway! You can. I went back to school online and finished my degree, found low-residency MA programs (which I have yet to begin, but soon I hope!), worked as an indep. contractor for data companies online, went on numerous road-trips, started blogging, opened an etsy .... you just keep trying until you reach the place where you know it's the next step! Don't beat yourself up with worry - one step at a time. Try this and if it drives you nuts try something else! When all's said and done, you're about to become THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in that little boy's life.

  3. PS Maybe try and get with a mama's group - some mama groups leave their kids at home and go to a bar (after nursing's done and gone, of course) ... or start up a book club just for you ... or take yoga! You have to have your very own things that belong to no one else!

    1. Mama groups and book clubs are great ideas :) I'm going out on a limb and starting one of each in July, hoping that will help. It's funny - the Internet makes us think we're not isolated, but there is nothing quite like seeing another human (adult) face to make you feel better :)

  4. Thanks, ladies! Lauren, thanks for the encouragement! I definitely am going through a big transistion not working, but there are aspects I'm definitely looking forward to! I am currently in "nesting mode" and am enjoying the home preparations for baby. I'm also looking forward to getting through some of my old writing projects and such. I'll be okay! It's going to be a wild ride! lol

  5. I like to stay busy. Thought I'd go crazy being a stay at home wife.
    But where I live there aren't any jobs (that aren't sucky job, and sucky pay) that I can do.
    Suprisingly, I found that I love not working. Even though I've applied for a couple jobs and am still interested in maybe working. Not to mention doing stuff on the side occasionally. I still love not working.

    In fact, I probably stay busier that my husband. As I have stuff to do 24/7 not just 40-50 hours of the week.

    I've learned in 2.5 years of not working that it doesn't make you less independent or useless. I've learned a lot by doing what I love to do (besides domestic things) by learning new things on my own time.

    I look forward to motherhood someday because it will bring a whole new set of skills, tasks, and education to learn.

    Bottom line. I think it's ones mindset and how they look at their situation. If not working automatically means you're isolated and unaccomplished in your mind that you will be isolated and unaccomplished. If you look at being a stay at home mom as an opportunity to learn and grow in new and different ways that you won't be isolated and unaccomplished.

    It's all in the perspective, In my opinion!!

    1. I agree with you that it's all about perspective. As a new mom, I do have to add that one of the biggest challenges isn't that you don't have anything to do, but rather that you don't have the time and energy to do it, and if you do get one or the other, they often don't occur simultaneously. So it's about finding things you want to do, then figuring out how to sneak them in between nursing, diapering, trying to sleep, trying to eat, trying to clean the bathroom before you have to call in a bomb squad, and spending time with your husband that doesn't revolve around more diapers and cleaning. It's doable, but it takes a lot of effort. My little girl is five weeks old, and as much as I adore the daylights out of her, if it wasn't for the fact that I figured out how to prop my laptop on my legs while holding her, I would have lost my mind by now, lol :P

  6. Justine, thanks for you comments! I've never seen you here, but I'm so glad you stopped in! Yes, I think you're right about it being a mind-set. I think it's going to be just fine and I'll find my zen with it. But in the moment, right now, I realize I have a mental transition to get through, because I'm simply not used to not working and not having my time be completely my own. I'm definitely looking forward to motherhood and being home with my little guy, though!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...